The Ballad of Love and Hate

Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.
My vacation's ending. I'm coming home late.
The weather was fine and the ocean was great
And I can't wait to see you again.

Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
No one here cares if you go or you stay.
I barely even noticed that you were away.
I'll see you or I won't, whatever.

Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies,
And also when she comes down.

Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
With a serious look on his face.

Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow.
To trust. To hope. To care.

Hate sits alone on the hood of his car.
Without much regard to the moon or the stars.
Lazily killing the last of a jar
Of the strongest stuff you can drink.

Love takes a taxi, a young man drives.
As soon as he sees her, hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after, at the end of the ride,
Cause he might never see her again.

Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams o'er the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says 2:55,
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.

Love has been waiting, patient and kind.
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign,
That the one that she cares for, who's out of his mind,
Will make it back safe to her arms.

Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung, eyes to the floor.
He says Love, I'm sorry, and she says, What for?
I'm yours and that's it, Whatever.
I should not have been gone for so long.
I'm your's and that's it, forever.
You're mine and that's it, forever.
 (The Ballad of Love and Hate- The Avett Brothers)

I have spent a great deal of my life being Hate. Being the one who rejected Love, no matter what form it came in or how relentlessly it came.

I spent many, many, many years thinking that the people around me loved me- just not as much as they loved this person or that one. That I was in constant competition with those around me to achieve affection.

I think I eventually forgot what Love felt like. Every time Love appeared, I pulled back, pushed it away, didn't know how to deal with it.

I mistook the similarities I felt with those around me who were also lonely and Hateful as Love.

I have recently realized that this is not Love, this is just another version of Hate. It allows for rejection from those people, and if the expectation comes to pass, then it creates another cycle of Hate.

Love and compassion are two new experiences for me, ones that have become real over the last year, especially. Like I said before, these are not emotions that people had been withholding from me... They were emotions that I was refusing to accept.

hannaHRose told me that when she listened to this song, she thought "Man, Hate is really a jerk to Love!" At that point, I hadn't listened to it yet.

I listened to it in my car on the way to work this morning. I wasn't expecting the reaction I had.

I had to sit in the parking lot at work for 10 minutes and compose myself because I was weeping.

Because I have been to the point where I had to be "plastered", my emotions and ques and normal responses shut down, before I could give in to Love. Before I could face Love, apologize, and accept what had been there all along.

I'm trying to transition from Hate to Love. To responding out of joy instead of pain, pleasure instead of anger.

To forget and move on, instead of clinging to the wrongs that have been done to me.


"Love, I'm sorry." "What for? I'm yours, and that's it, whatever."

This machine kills fascists.

This quote has kind of been floating around the H o' B recently... It appeared in a graffiti stencil of Kanz's, which created a launching pad for it to spread to t-shirts, cars, etc. Then we saw it on some other shirts at Cornerstone, where I purchased a shirt where the words are typed onto a computer screen. As I bought it, I thought, "This is cool, because I blog."

I got home and realized I hadn't blogged in over 3 months. I suppose it's a good thing- as I began to resolve my issues with people, I also stopped requiring the computer as my sole outlet, my only release.

But tonight, there's too many emotions, too much to just dump on someone.

I'm listening to angsty teen music (thank God that I didn't have Simple Plan as a teenager...).

I grew up in a house where there wasn't really a lot of hugs or other physical contact. If I was upset, my parents would try to hug me, but I generally pushed it away until they seemed to just stop- or I blocked out their attempts. There was never any question of if they loved me... There just wasn't the physical manifestation of that.

Separately from that, I don't think I've ever loved someone enough to be mad on their behalf. I was always too busy being mad for me, for what people had done to me, to realize that other people were hurting too.

Today, I watched someone who I love deeply be hurt in a way that I am unable to comprehend. And while she's dealing with it in her way, I am sitting here wondering how to deal with the feelings welling up inside me- of wanting the person doing her harm to realize what they're doing, to have just a bit of what's going on inside of her.

At the same time, I want to respond in love, in a way that I know Jesus would have. (Why does our stupid language have only one word for love?) To respond with compassion and understanding, fairness.

While dealing with these emotions, I logged on to Facebook to see what was going on in everyone else's normal, every day lives... And saw a post my mom had written.

My little brother's lizard died tonight. His girlfriend bought it for him, and it's been an important part of his life- and my mother's, by extension, as she made sure it was fed and watered, and checked in on it periodically. When she checked on it tonight, however, it was laying with its "palms up".

She wrote of feeling immense sadness over the death of this reptile- and of not understanding why she doesn't feel that same emotion when humans die.

"I never touched [the lizard]. I was afraid to, in fact. Unfortunately, I feel the same about most humans. [The lizard's] death made me realize, once again, the importance of life. I need to choose more wisely."

 I guess I'm seeing that, as much as letting people in sucks sometimes and you get hurt, and I want to avoid it and quit trying, that that's exactly what gives my life purpose- the connections with people, the interactions I have on a regular basis, the ways I see God in people and they see God in me.

(Part of what I hate about blogging is that I feel like I need to have a nice wrap up. But I don't have the energy for it tonight. So the end.)

"Support our troops- 100%

No support or aid for the enemy- no matter what."

As we were driving home from the EleventySeven show in Greenville last night, I noticed this bumper sticker on one of those big semi-trucks... Right next to another one that said "Serve God- He is good, all the time."

I feel a disconnect here. Not in supporting our troops- our troops are protecting our country and everything "we've" ("we" being the man- a topic for another day) worked for. And while I may not agree with everything they're doing, THEY often don't agree with everything they're doing. My idea of supporting our troops is praying for them and serving them in whatever ways I can- sending care boxes, etc.

However, I think that a version of Christianity that provides "no support or aid for the enemy, no matter what" isn't my Jesus' version of Christianity- it's the type of Christianity that Shaine Claiborne is talking about when he says, "We didn't invent Christianity in America- we just domesticated it."

Let's, just for a minute, pretend that God did intend for us to be cruel towards our enemies' existence. How do we define who our enemies are?

In the case of this war on terror- are our enemies the terrorists alone? Their wives and kids, who may or may not have been "brainwashed" by their male leaders? The entire countries of Iraq and Afghanistan? All Muslims?

And what does "no comfort or aid" mean? That we don't try to help these women and children, making sure that they get clean water and good food during wartime? That Muslim children can't come to the States (or any other country, for that matter) and study at the best schools with our children? That when another conflict comes up, we don't rise to help the Iraqi and Afghani citizens because we have this grudge? Or does it merely mean we get to torture them at Guantanamo (or anywhere else) without feeling guilty?

Or, if you're warring something else- say, abortion- who are your enemies? Just the doctors and nurses who perform the abortions? The lawmakers who make it so that abortions are legal? The women who pay for abortions? The people who are uneducated about abortion and thus blindly support it? The people who ARE educated, but choose to educate others without all the facts?

And for them, what does no "comfort or aid" mean? That we don't let those doctors have their retirement? That we don't allow those women to receive counseling services?

If we focus solely on our enemies, there's too much of a grey area. People will never decide (and agree on) who our enemies should be- thus never being able to determine who deserves our comfort or aid.

But let's quit pretending. God does not call us to refuse aid or comfort to our enemies- actually, I believe He calls us to do just the opposite.

Proverbs 25:21 says, "If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them water to drink."

In Matthew 5:44-45, Matthew records that Jesus said, "But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your father in Heaven."

In Luke 6:27-36, Luke recounts the same teaching of Jesus- but he finishes it with "You must be compassionate, as the Father is compassionate."

Ok, so- God's plan of action is not for me to hate my enemies, to deny them aid or comfort, or to seek them out in order to do those things- it is for me to actually GIVE them comfort, compassion, and love- the things the heart of the Father beats for.

But again, we must decide- what is a grey area and what is not? What does having compassion for my enemy mean?

Does it mean I hide out terrorists in my basement? That I give money to Planned Parenthood? That I "forget" everything that's ever been done wrong by anyone?

I don't think so. Someone- I think it might've been hannaHRose- said to me one time that accepting someone doesn't mean you accept everything that they've done wrong. It simply means that you accept them as the person that they are, underneath those actions.

So that means that if I run into a terrorist (reminds me of when Michael Scott says to Dwight, "If I step on a land mine in Scranton, PA, you can have my job.")... If they are hungry and thirsty, I will most likely treat them as I would treat anyone else who was hungry or thirsty- offer them food or drink. And then report them.

But that's unlikely to happen. I am much more likely to interact with a totally different brand of enemy- maybe in the other scenario I explored, the abortion one. Say I end up talking to an abortionist, one who doesn't see that what they are doing is wrong, and takes human life. How do I respond to them?

Honestly, I would have a hard time with that. I would have no idea how to respond in that situation.

And I think that's where the "pray for those who persecute you" comes in.

The whole point is that I can't do this on my own. I can't love on my enemies on my own strength. The only way I can handle that is to pray for them, to place them, and my personal feelings, in the hands of God.

In the end, it is not me who judges them. In the end, I will be standing right next to them, being responsible for my actions.

Will my actions reflect a loving, Christ-like attitude towards all I met- enemies or not? An attitude that allowed everyone around me to interact with and see Jesus and Christianity in a new perspective? A perspective that maybe allowed them to accept my Jesus, the Jesus who lived and breathed and walked this Earth, instead of the Christianity that they've seen around them?