Friday, December 17, 2010

I am wanted by God.

He is wanting to preserve me, to guide me through the darkness of the shadow of death, up into the highlands of His presence and afterlife. -Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

How many miracles have you seen in your life? I don't mean the "little" everyday ones that everyone calls miracles, like childbirth or a couple staying together for 50 years (no, I'm not dissing those as miracles, I'm just saying that sometimes bigger things happen). I mean, money coming through at the last second from someone you never thought it'd come from. Your car being sucked under a semi-truck and spit out the other side, without a scratch. The healing of an illness that you thought someone would never recover from. Someone being in exactly the right place, and just the right time, with the perfect word of encouragement.

Ok. Got one? Just one- I know that there's a list of them in your mind, but pick just one time that God came through.

Now think of your current situation. Is there somewhere where you'd like God to come through, but you're stressing about the situation yourself, unable to see a way out except the worst?

What happened to all those times when God came through? He did it time and time again- why don't you trust Him to do it this time?

This entire year has just been a long list of miracles in my life. And each time I see one, I celebrate the fact that it occurred. I tell people, I thank God, and I marvel at the awesomeness that is what just happened.

And then, almost immediately, a new situation arises. And quickly, I forget what miracle just occurred. I am again amazed when God comes through.

I've cycled through this pattern oh, maybe 20 times in the last year. About 15 in the last 6 months. In the last week, about 3.

This week was kind of horrible for the House O' Bricks, on a cosmetic level. Our pipes froze, except they weren't frozen, some thing in the basement was broken. After we filled every container we could find with water, the landlord fixed it. It ended up not being a big deal, a small miracle- huzzah! It was quickly forgotten, though, when we woke up Thursday and had no electricity in the half of the house where I exist, and the driveway was iced over so badly that my car couldn't get out of the driveway. I celebrated when I was able to get out (at 2 PM) and thanked God... And then, when I got home from work today, I forgot again. There was no hot water, and I didn't know how to fix it, and I was the only one home. I called Kanz in a frenzy, and all I had to do was flip a switch... Then I sat down, and thought about it.

God came through in each of those situations. Those things all could have been HUGE deals, costing me and my roommates or our landlords lots of money that we don't have, and instead, they ended up being minor issues that we were able to fix easily. And now we all have a better idea how to fix our own house when the time comes!

But how long will it be before I forget again? Before I get in a new situation where I don't see how I can come out of it, and I totally lose sight of what God has done for me?

I don't want to be forgetful of what God has for me, or distrusting of what He'll do and how He'll come through. But I do know that my God is bigger and better than all my issues. Even if I somehow manage to forget all the miracles and all the things He's done, that's the one I can rely on.

So, today, I choose to be grateful. :)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Sometimes, I think I would be fine if there were no cops...

But then I realize, I drive completely different when there's a cop behind me than when there isn't.- Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

After being snowed in the house for two days and going through a gamut of emotions- thrilled to have a day off work and to see the beauty of the mountains covered in snow, to being bored out of my skull, to being downright cranky- I decided I need to have an outlet. Facebook can only do so much. I feel like all 500 of my friends are reading every word I put on there, even if it's only "up" for two seconds. I can't handle the pressure. Here, I don't really know if you're reading or not- and I'm going to go ahead and assume that no one will read the writings of a disquited young adult trying to find a way to make it on her own in this big world.

See, here's the thing- my life isn't going exactly the way I planned. Yeah, it's God, and yeah, it's amazing and I'm ecstatic to be along for the ride... But honestly, I planned on sitting in a college classroom with my parents paying for my education right now, not worrying about if I'm going to get to work tomorrow so that I can pay my bills at the end of this month.

But... Life has become something that's not about me. Somehow, I've come to realize there's something bigger, something that makes more sense and yet makes no sense at all, and I've just got to deal with it- hang on and know that it's going to come out better.

So for now, I'm going to go to bed and pray that the roads are clear so that I can work tomorrow. I'm going to pick out a White Elephant gift to take to my Christmas party tomorrow night. I might read a little Donald Miller. I'll wake up in the morning and feed the cat, empty his litter box, put clothes in the washer, and make my bed, because no one else is going to do it for me.

Oh- and, I'll relish every second.